Launceston’s Jenny Haslam is tough.
She emigrated with her husband Brian from South Africa to the UK, and then to Tasmania – and simply took it all in her stride. She worked as an educational researcher, raised her four children and in her later years beat bowel cancer. And in her usual go get ‘em style, instead of retiring, she and Brian opened a guest house in the area.
So a few years ago, when the now 91-year-old Brian had a stroke, Jenny rolled up her sleeves and started caring for him, convinced in her usual optimistic way that life would go on as usual without too much fuss and bother.
It didn’t.
“I liken the stroke to a wrecking ball that crashed into our lives,” 85-year-old Jenny says. “Brian was a real go-getter - he helped set up the Salamanca Community Arts centre in Hobart! And he was determined to get better, he worked really hard at rehab.”
But as time went on, Brian was unable to stand up by himself, couldn’t complete a sentence and required round the clock care. Their house had steps, so they moved to a small unit in a retirement village and got in some help.
“But it all got too much! We moved house, Brian was falling, I couldn’t lift him and I was terribly tired all the time. I became socially isolated and lost my confidence. I also felt incompetent – something I’ve never felt before. I keenly felt the loss of companionship, Brian had turned into a patient,” Jenny says. “I had this sense that I was existing and not really living. And I realised I just wasn’t coping, but I didn’t know what to do about it.”
After a bad fall, Brian was hospitalised and the doctor told Jenny he needed more specialised care. So eleven months ago, Brian moved into the nearby Uniting AgeWell Kings Meadows Community Aldersgate.
But even the emotionally tough do it tough. Jenny found herself on a rollercoaster of emotions after Brian transitioned to aged care. “My main feeling was huge relief! And then of course, I felt terrible guilt at feeling relieved,” she says.
Now Jenny visits Brian as often as possible and says he is happy and getting the best care possible. And she has time to take her dog, Charlie, for a walk every day, catch up with her book club friends, and concentrate on getting her newly diagnosed Parkinson’s disease under control.
To help those in similar situations to Jenny, Uniting AgeWell is launching its newly-developed ‘Sharing the Care – A support kit for families and carers new to residential care’ during Carers Week.
The kit is designed to help families and carers cope with the transition of a loved one into residential aged care. It looks at the range of emotions a carer may go through - from grief to rage, from relief to guilt or feelings of emptiness and everything else in between - and how to deal with them. And it offers a raft of helpful advice, from dealing with paperwork, to information about dementia and advice on self-care – validating the carer’s feelings with help on how to get their life back on track.
It was developed by Uniting AgeWell’s Tasmanian-based social worker Heidi Morton in response to the amount of carer stress she saw when a person transitions into aged care. She worked with health professionals, family carers, staff and residents in compiling the kit.
“We aim to reassure carers what they are going through is quite normal,” Heidi says. “And that both the carer and their loved one need to be okay for you both to be okay.”
Heidi stresses that a carer doesn’t stop being a carer when the person they care for enters residential care. “It’s a different kind of caring. It goes from functional to being able to spend more quality time with the person. Having the time and energy to have fun and joy with the loved one is very important! And it works both ways, with the resident able to enjoy this special time too.”
For details on permanent or respite care at Uniting AgeWell Kings Meadows or Aldersgate Village in Newnham call 1300 783 435.
Learn more about Sharing the Care - A support kit for families and carers new to residential care